Monday, July 18, 2011

Guest Commentary: A Dog's View

My name is Libby, or so they tell me. I am 2 or 3 years old (never ask a lady her age), a tri-color Basset Hound. I possess a nice, classic basset hound shape (if I do say so myself), with soulful brown eyes, capable of melting hearts and seeking extra treats.

This person called CJ came to my territory last week and has just turned my life upside down. I mean, first she walked in like she belonged, right up to my crate, a-cooing and a-talking. She opened the gate and held out her hand like I was supposed to…what? Sniff it? Lick it? Huh.

First of all, she is not my people. She doesn’t smell right, which is very important to a hound. And secondly, where are my people? Alert! Sound the alarm! Which I did, loudly and emphatically.

It was no use trying to talk me out of alerting the town that a stranger was here! You can be as nice as you like, person, but you’re not my person. You’re not even…Hey! She left! I need an audience if I’m going to perform. So I followed her down the stairs.

Pretty soon my people came home. Funny, but they seemed to like her. Huh. It would have been nice to be properly introduced, people! Some folks have no manners.

The next day, my people left and this CJ person stayed behind. Although it wasn’t so bad, since she seemed to know where my kibble is stored and where the leash is. It was pretty funny watching her try to figure out the harness. I got her good and messed up, putting my head through the wrong loop and then stepping on the leash and not moving. Hee-hee-hee!

We finally took a walk. She said it was short, but Lord! Her legs are so much longer than mine. The corner is a long ways away, and there’s a lot of pavement between here and there. Lots of good smells, too. And while we’re on the subject, why are the best smells in picker-bushes? I mean, I have a delicate proboscis (what? I have a very good vocabulary for a dog, thank you.) and I don’t care to get it pierced.

I have enjoyed one thing – this CJ person gets working on something and seems to forget about everything and everyone else. This is particularly handy since she seems to think I am not allowed on the couch. (Well, I’m not…yet.) Anyway, she gets distracted often enough that I can get in a decent cat nap on the sofa before she notices me and starts getting bossy again.

And speaking of cats…The two felines who share this abode will need to have their cattitudes adjusted, because I am not going anywhere. They may think they’re special, but a little hissing and the fur raised up on your back doesn’t scare me, sister. Besides, I happen to know what they seem to have forgotten—they’ve been declawed! Hee-hee-hee.

I cannot believe this CJ person. Today was hot – that’s h-a-w-t! – a real scorcher. Can you believe it? She went and brought a kiddie pool and tried to get me to climb in! Don’t know what off-brand canned food she’s been eating, but I have my dignity. I am not some Labrador or Setter, flopping in the water and chasing Frisbees. It was pretty funny, though, when she thought she could lift me into the pool. Hey, lady – it takes a lot of kibble to keep this girlish figure! She’ll be hurting tonight.

Whoa – red squirrel! Come a little closer…closer…Dang! Got away.

Where was I? Whatever. Apparently my people are coming home tonight and this CJ person can just go back where she came from. I’ll be so glad to have my people back. But they better not have cheated on me with another dog. That’s just not right. I mean, I’ve been faithful. I’ve tolerated this CJ person, but haven’t loved on her…much.

Well, I’ve got to go now. It’s awfully hard to write – I have to use the “hunt and peck” method of typing, having no thumbs or articulated digits. I just have time to jump on the sofa, toss the pillows off (aren’t they “throw” pillows?) and slobber on the hardwood. Gotta get this place in shape for my people!

Take care, Libby

PS – I am thinking about a name change. Right now I’m leaning toward “Duchess.” I think that’s suitably regal, don’t you? Squirrel!